It's You by Jane Porter

Author:Jane Porter [Porter, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Google: 0LrsBAAAQBAJ
Barnesnoble:
Goodreads: 23398804
Publisher: Berkley
Published: 2015-06-01T23:00:00+00:00

FIFTEEN

Edie

I sit in my room in the deepening shadows. It will be dark outside soon. I should turn on lights. But I like the shadows of twilight. It is now, when day turns to night, that I feel the ghosts of the past.

It is here, now, when I can feel Franz best.

In September, it will be seventy years since he died. In July, it will be seventy years since he kissed me good-bye.

I didn’t know when he put me on that train to Ascona that I would never see him again. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have gone. I am sure that’s why he didn’t tell me. He knew I couldn’t leave him. That’s why we married in the first place.

The shadows deepen and my room is blue black. If I don’t turn on a lamp soon, I could trip over something and fall.

Reluctantly I rise and make my way to the wall, and flip the switches for the overhead light. I blink and move to the kitchen, and turn on the light there.

I don’t think I will go down to dinner tonight. I think I shall heat up a can of soup and have some crackers. Some saltines. If they are not too stale. Chad says I keep my crackers and biscuits too long, but I don’t understand throwing out a perfectly good cracker just because it is not as crisp as it used to be.

Opening a can of minestrone, I pour it into a small saucepan and place the pan on the stove.

As I stand over the pan and wait for the soup to boil I keep thinking about my conversation with Alison this morning, and her expression when I mentioned Franz, and how we met.

This is why I do not talk about my life. This is why I’ve learned to remain silent. There are things you don’t say. Things you can’t say. Who will listen? Who wants to hear the truth, because the truth is never simple? The truth is complex and dark and sometimes very dirty.

War is sordid business.

War requires a victor and that means someone must win and someone must lose and then there are the consequences . . . winners, and losers . . .

Reparations.

I cannot talk about what I know and what I’ve seen. Who wants to think about what was done?

The Germans weren’t all bad. There were many who were very good. Many who tried to do the right thing.

When I first returned to America, I was told not to make excuses for them. And then again, later, when I tried to share how it was, I was criticized and condemned. Even Ellie told me it was better to be silent than share what I know. It is just to protect you, she’d say.

I agree that those in power had to be punished, but not all Germans were aggressors. There were plenty who didn’t agree with the government, thousands involved in the Resistance.

I stir the soup as it starts to boil but my spoon is short and the side of the pan burns my hand.

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